


Is Knowing for the Best?

by silvermoongirl10



Series: Moments of the Past [9]
Category: Chicago Fire
Genre: Angst, Best Friends, Brothers, Casey really needs a hug, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Flashbacks, Gen, Severide being a big brother
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-03
Updated: 2016-01-03
Packaged: 2018-05-11 13:58:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5629030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silvermoongirl10/pseuds/silvermoongirl10
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Now Matt knows why his mom murdered his dad that night all those years ago, and he is torn between relief and horror at knowing why. Luckily for him, Kelly is nearby to lend an ear and offer comfort, despite their recent troubles.</p><p>(Set in 2013/1995/1996)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Is Knowing for the Best?

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all! Just thought I’d let you know that this is likely to be the last story posted in this series for the next three or so months. I’m back at university and as you all saw last term I didn’t post anything for this series as I was so busy, but I do promise when I get a chance to write I will be working on a multi-chapter story for this series, but I don’t know how many chapters there will be. It will be set before the first season by about a year or two and I can promise Casey whump and worried Severide and Darden. 
> 
>  
> 
> Thanks for sticking with this series; all your comments mean a lot! And I will see you at the end of this next term (my last ever! Agh!) Enjoy this in the mean time!

**1995**

Matt sighed at the sound of the knock on the door, and stood from his desk, he had a biology test he was revising for, and doing so, was trying to block out the memories of his dad’s harsh words over the C he got in an English test. Usually when he was studying his mom would open the front door, knowing how desperate Matt was to study as hard, and as long, as he could to make his dad proud.

But his mom wasn’t here; it was barely five minutes after Matt had come home, when his mom burst out of the house. Checking his watch, Matt noticed that it had been an hour, and he freely admitted to himself that he was worried; things hadn’t been easy for his mom the past few years. However, while they had had to tighten their belts after the divorce, his dad at least paid for Christie’s college tuition and left his mom alone. Matt hated that he was looked upon with pity when people knew his parents were divorced, he didn’t care, his mom was finally happy and was slowly becoming the warm and happy person Matt remembered from years ago.

He opened the door and was faced with the sight of two uniformed police officers. His stomach filled with dread at the saddened looks on their faces; suddenly he was filled with panic. If something had happened to his mom then he’d have to live with his dad and his confidence shattering words, he couldn’t do that, he just couldn’t. He wouldn’t be eighteen for another three months, and it was another two after that until he’d graduate high school. He couldn’t live with his dad alone for at least the next five months.

“Son,” one of the officers gently began, Matt tensed his hands on the doorframe, wishing this was happening last weekend when Christie had been home. “I’m very sorry to have to tell you this…”

* * *

 

**2013**

It was dusk and Matt was out for a walk with his mom’s voice echoing in his head, the words that had finally explained why his mom had murdered his dad. The fact that she couldn’t stand to see his dad tearing down his self-confidence and the fact that Matt’s key had just been _there_.

He was just walking aimlessly, not knowing where he was going. Torn between relief and horror at finally knowing what had happened that night all those years ago. As Matt walked down the street, he didn’t know that he had caught the gaze of Kelly who was walking out of a grocery store.

Kelly watched as Matt walked down the street on the other side of the road, normally, he’d call over to Matt and jog over, but that was before Andy’s death. Things were better between them, but situations could still be strained. However, knowing that Matt’s mother was living with him and seeing the distant and almost guilt-ridden expression on Matt’s face was enough of a reason for him to put the groceries in his car and run after Matt.

As he followed his best friend, for they still were despite the troubles between them, seventeen years of friendship and brotherhood was not easy to forget. He caught up to Matt and through the almost dark he found Matt sat on a bench overlooking the river. Kelly paused for a moment and studied his friend, Matt looked tired, and not the tired from lack of sleep, but the tired that came from an emotional battle, those Kelly was familiar with.

He took a step forward, and the crutching of gravel caused Matt’s head to shoot up and look at him. “Kelly? What are you doing here?”

Kelly shrugged, “Saw you walking down the street, and figured something was up. You okay?”

Matt paused and then stared down at his hands, “I’m fine.”

“You sure about that?” asked Kelly, one eyebrow raised. The Matt sat in front of him was a fare cry from the shy eighteen old with a lack of self-confidence, but Kelly still knew how to read him. Something was telling him that Matt was not fine.

Sighing Matt shrugged, “Not sure.”

Kelly sat down bedside Matt and hesitated for a second before he rested a hand on Matt’s shoulder.

* * *

 

**1996**

Matt wrung his hands together, his heart pounded as he looked out at the sea of faces staring at him. The court was in its first session of convicting his mother of the murder of his dad. He was just two weeks away from graduating high school and five weeks away from starting at the Fire Academy. He had had been living with his next door neighbours for the past five months, Christie unable to help him out being at college. Luckily she had finished for the summer holiday last week and so was sat up in the gallery for moral support. Directly in front of him was his mother, she was smiling reassuringly at him, it did nothing to help.

He had to sit there and answer every question thrown at him. The defence was pushing him into answering that his dad’s verbal abuse of his mother was what had caused her to snap after twenty-two years of it. The prosecution was pushing him into answering that as his parents had been divorced for a year and a half, and with both he and Christie being old enough to go and see their dad on their own, his mother didn’t need to have contact with his dad, and thus snapped for no reason.

Then the topic of the key came up. Matt froze, suddenly remembering that after being emotional and mentally exhausted by his dad’s cutting words, he had just left his key on the side before running upstairs to study for his biology test ignoring his mother’s worried calls.

 _Oh God,_ thought Matt, _I did this. She wouldn’t have been able to shoot dad if I hadn’t left that stupid key out!_

Once he was done being on the stand, the prosecution told him that he wouldn’t need to be put on the stand again. Matt was relieved, he hated that he had been put in that position. As he walked down the hallway he came across his mother, she turned and smiled at him, the guards took half a step back to allow them a moment. Matt stood in front of his mother, tense and his hands curled into fists.

“Are you okay sweetie? I know that must have been hard,” Nancy softly said, her blue eyes wide in concern, seeing Matt’s posture.

“Would have been better if you’d told them why you did it,” Matt responded matter of factly.

Nancy shook her head, “Honey, look I don’t have long to see you. But are you okay?”

“Changing the subject, that’s just great!” interrupted Matt throwing his hands up, “Why won’t you tell anyone why you did it?!”

“I don’t want you to hear it!” cried Nancy.

“I _deserve_ to!” hissed Matt, eyes narrowed. “Because of _you_ I don’t have parents!”

Nancy’s eyes widened, tears brimming. “Matthew. Please don’t.”

“Why not? Its because I left the key out isn’t it?” snapped Matt. “You took the opportunity and now I have to live with that for the rest of my life!” He then brushed past his mother and stormed down the hallway, ignoring her desperate calls and pleas after him. He would not see his mother again for ten years. He would, however, read her letters in two years thanks to Kelly and Andy, it would be another year after that before he would respond to those letters.

* * *

 

**2013**

“Hey Matt,” said Kelly softly as he shook Matt’s shoulder. Seeing Matt look back at him with clear eyes now, Kelly leaned closer. “What’s going on Matt?”

“My mom…she finally told me what happened that night,” Matt murmured, running a shaky hand through his hair.

Kelly sat there with wide eyes; he’d known how long the events of that night had haunted Matt. Never really knowing what drove Nancy to go and kill her ex-husband. “And? Did you get the answer you were looking for?”

Hunching over, Matt mumbled into his hands, “Just confirmed my role.”

“What?” exclaimed Kelly, “Matt you had _nothing_ to do with what happened!”

“Oh yeah?” snapped Matt, he sprung to his feet and faced Kelly. “The key! It all comes back to the stupid key! I left it out and five minutes later she took it and left the house!”

“That’s not on you!” argued Kelly, also getting to his feet.

“Isn’t it?” shouted Matt, he jabbed a finger into his own chest. “ _I’m_ the one who left it out. _I’m_ the one who gave her the opportunity!”

Kelly shook his head, looking at his friend with sad eyes. “ _She_ chose that action Matt. You didn’t have anything to do with what she did.”

Matt grimaced, “Even if that’s true. I’m still the reason why she stormed over there.”

“What?” exclaimed Kelly in confusion. He watched as Matt blinked back tears and ran his hands over his face. “Matt?” he continued softly.

“It’s because of what he said, mom always hated what he’d used to say to us. She’d take the comments aimed at her quietly, but the comments aimed at me she’d fiercely tell me they weren’t true,” murmured Matt. For the first time telling someone, other than his mom, what his dad used to do to his self-confidence. “He used to say stuff, it’d tear down my self-confidence pretty quick. He hated me getting C’s; I was always terrified when I got one. He said I’d never get into college if continued to act like a stupid kid.”

Kelly just stood there gaping in silent horror, now understanding why when he had first met eighteen-year-old Matt why he had been so quiet, shy and withdrawn. He’d had to put up with his dad’s horrible words. And his heart ached; to think his brother had gone through all that, to then loose his mom too, Matt hadn’t deserved that.

Matt then laughed bitterly, “When I told him I was planning on joining the CFD, he laughed in my face and told me I wouldn’t last a week.” Kelly’s hands tightened into fists. His own dad was hardly there and basically indifferent, Matt’s dad had been there and in a way interested, but not in a good way. Matt shot him a half smile, “He used to say he was only saying that stuff to ‘toughen me up for the real world’, and I used to hold on tight to that thought. Wanting to believe that my dad was only trying to make me stronger, but he wasn’t. He actually meant it.”

Matt’s head dropped to stare at his feet, and Kelly was not able to stand back any longer. Matt blaming himself for his dad’s cutting words and his mom’s response was not on. Because no, just _no_.

He pulled Matt into a tight hug, “That was _not_ your fault Matt. Also, your dad was wrong. _Way_ wrong, you are strong.” He stepped back and held Matt’s shoulders at arms reach and grinned. “Besides, _he_ said you wouldn’t last a week. You’ve lasted _seventeen years_.”

Matt looked back at him with wide eyes, “But-”

“ _No_ ,” interrupted Kelly forcefully, he pulled Matt back into a hug. “No buts. What happened that night was not your fault, and why I can’t really agree that your mom’s action was right. I can actually see where she was coming from, because buddy, if I’d been there to hear him say those things to you. I’d have punched him so hard, much like what you did to Ted Griffin.”

Kelly smiled hearing an amused snort muffled by his shoulder; he rested his head atop of Matt’s. Looking up at the night sky, now glittering with stars, he regretted all the anger he had pushed towards Matt in the past few months. He regretted all the sharp, cutting words he’d thrown at his brother, all the while knowing it was himself he was angry with. Always hearing Matt ask him to vent and not do it, Andy wasn’t Matt’s fault and really, while he didn’t vent, it wasn’t his either. Andy _should have waited_. Then Matt wouldn’t be dealing with Andy’s death and his mom all at once, it was unfair. His eyes clenched shut hearing how similar his angry words and the harsh words of Matt’s dad were. That would not be happening any more.

Hearing a sniffle he reopened his eyes, “Thanks Kelly,” mumbled Matt pulling back with a relaxed, smiling face.

He smiled, “No problem. Come on I’ll drive you home.” Seeing Matt’s face tense, he hastily added, “Actually Shay is going out to something tonight, you come back to mine and keep me company.”

Matt nodded and smiled, “Can’t leave you alone. Bad stuff happens.”

Laughing, Kelly steered Matt in the direction of his car, “Guess you have experience with that.”

“Unfortunately,” deadpanned Matt.

Kelly relaxed hearing the old Matt shinning through, he guessed that Matt just needed someone to vent at, and he was happy being that person. He hadn’t been the best of friends or brothers to Matt recently, but he was going to try damn hard to change that.

**The End.**


End file.
